Irk Wars
by human worm baby
Summary: Invader Zim/Star Wars crossover. Incompleted, but I'm stopping. At least for now.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
  
***  
  
The Galactic Irken Empire started as a small group of Irkens that moved to Hutt space by way of hyperspace.  
  
Planning to conquer the basic trade routes from the Hutt's home planet, Nal Hutta, and its influential moons, Nar Hekka and Nar Shaadaa.  
  
Their base of operations was a huge battleship with gleaming metal floors and shiny white walls. Almighty Tallest Red and Almighty Tallest Purple commanded the battleship from the main deck, while General Jek commanded the main army and planned most of the attacks.  
  
As he walked, Jek straightened his Irken military uniform as he prepared to face the Almighty Tallest. Cursing both in his native tongue, the Galactic Basic that most Irkens had adopted, and in the Hutt language called, naturally, Huttese, he turned to face the podium where Red and Purple stood, and gave a stiff salute.  
  
"My Tallest," he began. "We have twenty new Invaders fresh out of boot, and about ten squadrons of starships beginning their blockade of Nar Shaadaa." After reading military records from the ancient Battle of Naboo and the starfleet tactics of the legendary Battle of Tanaab, he had a pretty good plan for blockade and invasion. And he would command the main battleship, which would drop off squads of Irken Invaders to the planet.  
  
Red smiled. "Good. I'll sign the new Invaders to a squad, and see to it personally that anyone leaving the planet is destroyed."  
  
"Yes m'Tallest!" Jek saluted rigidly again.  
  
***  
  
The single, one-man star craft Cirrus flew off of Nar Shaadaa. Jek's battleship opened up its comlink channel.  
  
"Who is this? In the name of the Almighty Tallests, speak!" That was Tep, serving as a comlink officer.  
  
"I'm Kittch Krath, if you must know," the voice responded. "I'm just getting off-planet for some supplies. I'm a starship mechanic."  
  
"Cargo?" Tep queried.  
  
"Just myself, my droid, and my blaster."  
  
Tep looked up from the comlink display and back to General Jek. "Should I let him go?"  
  
"The Almighty Tallest said to see to it that all ships leaving are destroyed."  
  
"Commence fire," Tep called to the gunner.  
  
***  
  
Krath hissed. "Arthree, I think they're firing at us!" R3-S6 beeped, a low, mourning whistle.  
  
Krath opened a comm channel. "This is Krath. I'm being fired at..."  
  
***  
  
"...by the Irken blockade. They won't let any ships pass and I think-AHHH!"  
  
A rush of static and a loud explosion followed. Ztivroh the Hutt tossed the comlink screen aside, then called for his friends and aides.  
  
He then spoke in Huttese: "Friends. It has come to my attention that there is a blockade by Irkens over us Hutts. We have a few bounty hunters and some soldiers here and there, but we must find a better way to fight back. We have no real army."  
  
The nexu below the trapdoor hissed and writhed, and someone in the gathering threw it a chunk of bantha meat.  
  
Ztivroh continued. "This blockade hasn't let ships come out and hasn't let them return, either. Kittch Krath, a bounty hunter of mine, has just been killed. His alibi was a good one. It was the Irkens. They have no mercy. We need to fight back. These Irkens are under the rule of their quote-unquote 'Almighty Tallest.' They seem to have a plan. After the blockade, I fear an invasion."  
  
There was a murmuring amongst the crowd.  
  
Someone stepped out from the shadows. "I'll help." 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
***  
  
Acting Comlink Officer Tep had no answer to the Almighty Tallest's query.  
  
"My Tallest Red, I do not know what you're talking about," he gulped.  
  
"We traced the beacon to where we sent Zim... Earth... and found nothing. A scan of the tracer we placed in his back pod cannot be traced. He is nowhere to be found. We have reason to believe he's dead."  
  
"No disrespect, my Tallest, but I thought that was a good thing," Tep said carefully.  
  
"It is. Our last scan of him was over the area. Then the tracer lost connection. We'd like to promote you, Tep, for the death of Zim."  
  
But I didn't kill him, Tep thought; aloud he said, "I'd be honored to take the promotion, m'Tallest."  
  
"You're in command of squads 03/2001 and 01/2002, Admiral. Carry on."  
  
"Thank you, m'Tallest." Newly ranked Admiral Tep bowed to Purple and Red, and then marched back to his squads to comply with orders.  
  
Two new squads to command.  
  
***  
  
The crowd stopped speaking.  
  
A black-clad Human in graying armor snarled, and with thick Old Corellian accent, snarled, "YOU will help?" He hissed his words, and then said, "You cannot."  
  
Ztivroh silenced the sudden uproar with a raise of his fat hands. "Let the foolish thing speak!"  
  
"But he's Irken!" the Human continued.  
  
Ztivroh roared. "You let the Irken in!"  
  
The Human snarled. "I did no such thing!"  
  
"You're the door guard!" Ztivroh shot back, then called for his guard, Ztarthgil, to throw the door guard into the nexu pit.  
  
Following Ztivroh's orders, Ztarthgil shoved the Human guard over the trapdoor, and the guard began to protest. The Irken said nothing, just watched as the Human's flooring was pulled out from under him, and as soon as he had gotten his bearings down in the pit, he was raked across the face with a swipe of the nexu's paw.  
  
The Irken watched. "You're a Human, and I hate Humans," he spoke to the guard, who was the nexu's newest meal. Then, to the rest of the crowd, he said, "I refuse to work with Humans. If there are any Humans in the crowd, speak."  
  
Naturally, none of the other Humans spoke.  
  
"Alright."  
  
Ztivroh watched. "Yes?" he questioned. "You said you'd help. And yet you're Irken, and we're fighting Irkens."  
  
"I hate Irkens, too. They hated me, and exiled me, and tried to get rid of me. I brought my-ah-I believe in this place you call it a 'droid,' and I've started an underground resistance on-"  
  
Despite his doubts (who hasn't heard of a droid?), Ztivroh took a sudden belief to the Irken's story. "Slow down," Ztivroh said. "Your name?"  
  
"Zim." 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
***  
  
"Zim, we know there's danger. But we can't fight a full-scale war against the Irkens. You heard Exalted Hutt Lord Ztivroh. We have no army," Weedo the Rodian spoke quickly, in Huttese. "Reconsider. We're not ready for war."  
  
Zim had learned the language quickly, and found himself speaking back in Huttese: "And you heard me. I have an underground resistance. I've gathered up some Irken Invaders and some bounty hunters. As well as some old Imperials."  
  
"We don't trust the Empire," Weedo replied, spitting out the Hutt words for 'the Empire' angrily.  
  
"I heard the Rebels destroyed their second Death Star. I thought the Empire was gone," Zim replied, scratching the red Irken military logo off of his helmet as he spoke. "So these wandering Imperials without a leader have some use for us-wait. Who was that?"  
  
Weedo shrugged, pulling his blaster. Zim followed the example, and demanded, "Who is it and what have you heard?"  
  
"Zim? It's Tep. I brought two squads."  
  
"Leave, Weedo." The Rodian did, and then Zim spoke.  
  
"Tep. You're in admiral's uniform?"  
  
"I was promoted. When you removed the tracer beacon from your back pod, the transmission was lost. They assumed I had killed you."  
  
"The almighty Zim is insulted," he said with a laugh, looking up from his work. The military logo was almost gone. "I hear you killed Kittch Krath? One of our bounty hunters, posing as a mechanic."  
  
"I'm sorry, Zim. It's hard to lead a double life. Letting him go would've meant my death by the Tallest. They'd get suspicious," Tep said, genuine sorrow in his voice.  
  
"You're dead, then?" said a voice from the doorway.  
  
"Kittch Krath?" Tep said, then laughed. "I thought I killed you."  
  
"Naw. Standard procedure, dump your garbage; remember? So I did, and I faked a death scream before jumping to lightspeed as my garbage exploded. Classic move."  
  
Zim eyed Krath suspiciously.  
  
"It's okay, Zim. He's a trustworthy Human," Tep said.  
  
"I've had my experiences with Humans," Zim sighed.  
  
"I'm afraid my droid, R3-S6, is smashed up. I'll need a new one before I can use my starfighter, the Cirrus, again," Krath said.  
  
"Our agents have stolen tons of SIRs. I'll get one fitted for an astromech as soon as I can," Tep said. "We've been modifying SIRs for R2s ever since we've moved to this galaxy."  
  
"Thank you. Don't want to bother you too much, but one Irken platoon came in and smashed up a small town. The Irkens retreated to their ships, then left. I think they're planning to smash in, then leave, but once it's over, they'll just take it."  
  
"It won't last. Their government is based on height. Really stupid," Zim muttered.  
  
Krath held back a snort. He towered over Zim like a Wookiee. He could see why the "Tallest" had exiled him.  
  
"I've got to get back to the Armada," Tep said. "The Tallest will surely figure this out soon. Squads are disappearing by the dozen to join our cause. We have to prepare for a full-scale war." 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
***  
  
"Tep!" Purple shouted.  
  
"M'Tallest?" he stepped up to face the two leaders.  
  
"Both of your squads have disappeared, as well as TENS OF THOUSANDS MORE!" Red shouted. "WHAT do you know about this?"  
  
Gulping, Tep babbled off the story he had made up.  
  
"M'Tallest, I had no idea that any squads were gone."  
  
"Even your own?" Purple demanded.  
  
"Careless with your own squads?" Red groaned. "Bad, bad Invader!"  
  
"My Tallest. I have been careless, I admit. I, however, have no idea what happened to any of the squads. I would, however, like to resign from the Irken military. I've failed you." He ripped off his admiral's badge and threw it at Purple, and then left, his head hanging in mock shame. Now he would stow aboard a ship and join Zim in the fight against Irk.  
  
***  
  
Living in the palace of Ztivroh the Hutt was no more enjoyable than stowing aboard a bounty hunter's ship, hidden amongst cargo, which included dead bounties.  
  
Zim supposed that Krath was used to it by now. The smell of death was all around, and blood was smeared on the walls. Creatures and aliens from all around hissed and babbled in their native tongues, and Zim could only catch a few phrases from Huttese and Galactic Basic that made no sense to him whatsoever.  
  
Krath slept soundlessly on the second bed in the room, while Zim was stuffed in the corner, on a small bed, unable to sleep. Tep's last comlink message was not very reassuring.  
  
"Zim," he had said, "I have to join you for good. The Tallest are on to me, and I've resigned from the Irken military."  
  
That was three standard hours ago, and no comlink messages were received from Tep again.  
  
***  
  
"The Tallest are on to us!" Tep called to the twenty or so Irken Invaders in each squad he now led, which was three, which called for sixty Irkens.  
  
There was a gasp amongst the crowd.  
  
"I've resigned from the Irken military. As you probably know, the Irkens already smashed up a small town here," Tep announced. "Their blockade of Nar Shaadaa is pretty heavy. They're letting Invaders out of boot early just to compensate for the dropouts-us," Tep continued.  
  
The crowd was deathly silent as Tep finished:  
  
"Get ready. We're going to war." 


End file.
